The Feeling of Indifference

There is no feeling more peculiar than the feeling of indifference.

The definition of indifference is a lack of interest, concern, or sympathy. This definition describes my feelings for the majority of today. I woke up as I do everyday, ate a bagel and drank my morning coffee as I do everyday, and went to work as I normally do. But as the rain poured outside of my job, and the thunder roared, my interest in making the best out of the day drifted away slowly.

I wasn't happy, and although I thought I was sad, I realized that I had no reason to be sad. I was feeling indifferent; and I began to think about what could cause such a feeling to overcome me. I thought about my routine and my every day life, and I felt defeated. Although I enjoy my job, and I enjoy my life very much, I find myself yearning for something more. I am so anxious to start the next phase of existence and I feel as though I am stuck on the current page of my life story, slowly waiting to finish reading so that I can flip to the next one. I have four years left of college before I will be able to take the bar exam and become the lawyer that I strongly desire to be. There are four years left until I find out whether I have what it takes to really make something of myself. There are four years left until I find stability, and open myself up to the idea of marriage and making a family.

I feel like my current endeavors are just short term; and today I felt unmotivated to excel in them. I felt unmotivated to be the best that I can be, which is very unlike me. I also felt exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I now strive to lose this feeling of indifference, because I am better than that. I am interested. I am concerned, and I am sympathetic. I am the opposite of indifferent, but the negative thoughts that build up inside of me have a tendency to swallow me whole. Once I start to feel like the water is rising above my head, I continue to let it rise.

Is the feeling of indifference something that everybody feels? Is anybody so interested and so passionate about life that they don't ever feel unconcerned?

Is the feeling of indifference a substitution for the feeling of sadness and being lost? Do we act unconcerned to cover the feeling that we are losing ourselves in our routine?